Today was the first day I went back to Project MotiVATe to volunteer. I have been absent to the community for almost a year. Needless to say the mentees that needed help have graduated from high school and the mentors who have dedicated so much time to their mentees have moved on and passed the torch to new mentors.
Despite all the changes, the program is still the same. Wednesday nights 6:00PM-6:30PM check-in. 6:30PM-9PM study hall where mentors and volunteers help our mentees through their school work and prepare them to graduate from high school and to go to college. For the past 2 on-and-off years of volunteering at P.M, I have never encountered much struggle to motivate the mentees. It was probably because most of them have been in the program and knows that they have a support system. Therefore, it was easier for me to encourage them to keep on task during the three hours.
Today I met one of the new mentees. Like the rest of the mentees, she’s not doing too well in school and there is a lot going on in her life. I did what I always do to encourage and “inspire” them to do their work. However, she had a list of reasons not to do her homework today, and I had my list of reasons why she should do her homework. I told her that she’s very fortunate to be here and that if she ever needed help or anything there are so many resources at Project MotiVATe that she can find the help. For all the positive reasons I told her to accomplish it, she had all the negative reasons ready and determined to be still unmotivated to complete the assignment.
It broke my heart to see it in her attitude, her eyes, her actions, and her body language. I straight up gave her a lecture to help her try to understand what and why people come to help out at Project MotiVATe. Then it became a bigger deal, she shared a piece of her world to me and it unlocked one tiny piece for me to be part of. I then saw the brokenness she had inside of her, the despite of her mom, the irresponsible dad, etc. She told me that it wasn’t what I thought and there is so much more that I won’t ever know. She then asked for my number and I told her that I have unlimited text and that she could tell me about it anytime.
On the way back home from Project MotiVATe, I texted her and I made a promise to be there for her to my best ability. I told her I may be able not to understand or help you get out of the situation, but I will be here to listen and to help you get through it. I don’t have to be your friend, but know that if you need to vent about something, I am one text or phone call away and I do respond back.
For a long time now I have been searching for God’s grace and presence for over a year. I used to be able to think that I could conquer the world and save multiple lives at a time. Now it feels like a blur and I am at lost.
I would trade part of my happiness for her brokenness so that she can be a little bit more happy, even if it’s just for a minute. It’s funny how unconditional love just appears like that and that’s perhaps one of my strongest characteristics.
