I Have Good Instincts

I miss my Drama 130A class.  It was definitely one of the most scariest classes I have ever took to push and challenge myself as a performer/actor.  I am glad that I took it with Adrian because he still scares the bejezzes out of me because he looks intimidating and he’s honest about what he sees and such.  I was really struggling through out the 5 weeks to be the best that I can be because it is intermediate acting, it’s no longer I can wing my way through this.  I have to be prepared and I have to know my goals, objectives and beats.  I have to know what my character wants, how am I going to affect my scene partner, what are the thoughts running though my mind, and how do I know if I do get what I want from my scene partner.

I’m happy to say that during my last scene work, he was able to give me good criticism as well as the news that has probably given me new confidence in my acting.  All along I have been waiting for someone credible to tell me that “Jessica you are good at acting” in order to pursuit this passion.  I have never been able to keep up with others in my class who may have performed in more shows than I have.  All I had were my high school class and a desire and curiosity to be good at this craft.

It really meant a lot to me when he said, “You have good instincts, just slow down your moments.”  Because one, he would not just say it to everyone in the class and two, he is honest and would never jerk you around like that.  He has renewed my faith in my acting and this is what I strive for.

Last year I hesitated to sign up for Mega Auditions for UCI, this year I screamed when I recieved the e-mail to notify students to sign up.  I signed up in a heartbeat.  I want to perform on stage with my fellow peers this year.  I want to make it happen.  I am going to make it happen this year.  Small or big part, I just want to be up there.

Published in:  on July 29, 2009 at 12:01 am Leave a Comment

2009 This is a start of something new

So I’ve had writer’s block in coming up resolutions for myself, so that I can improve myself. I mean that’s what resolutions are for. Sadly 2008 was a BIG failure in keeping up with my resolutions. So here we go, another year and more resolutions that I hope I can keep up for the WHOLE year. Trying is better than not doing any of it at all! This gives me a goal and to help me keep in track of who I am now, who I want to be, and who I will be. I think you can tell how much I’ve grown with the resolutions I come up with for myself, and if I actually kept them or not.

2009 Resolutions
1. 3 cups of coffee per week
2. on days I choose to drink coffee, one cup per day
3. pilates MWF, swimming 20 laps (either saturday or sunday)
4. actually try to practice swimming butterfly & breaststroke… look on youtube to improve technique or ask other swimmers
5. keep a financial account on computer
6. cook more at my apartment (eat out less :[ sorry HC...)
7. set study hours everyday (because I need it to keep focus)...[study>sleep... when i need it]
8. get a job
9. improve as an actress
10. work on oratory idea and get it more formulated!
11. get snail mail going with my friends again :) [you know who you are & you guys better write back!!]
12. get better gpa than previous quarter gpa (aiming for 3.5 and up!)
13. turn to spirituality & piano as stress relievers instead of stress eating :(
14. read more (for fun… not for class… book suggestions anyone? :])

i think 14 is enough… and although i may not keep up with ALL of them for the whole year, i’m willing to give it a shot :D goal for completion 1/3! :) 2009 HERE WE GO.

2008 Resolutions
1. 3 cups of coffee per week
2. on the days i choose to drink coffee, one cup per day
3. exercise 3 times a week
4. get a better gpa than previous quarter gpa [ALMOST]
5. stay happy “personal touch”
6. read the Bible once a week
7. no snacks
8. eat healthy (dessert twice a week)
9. don’t cut class [ALMOST, until edu 106 came along...]
10. journal once a month
11. improve singing voice so that i will be able to sing a small solo for the Nicene Creed during interfaith mass
12. learn one song on the guitar
13. say good morning to someone everyday

completed 0/13

2007 Resolutions
1. exercise 30-45 mins everyday
2. write in journal everyday
3. read 6 (specific ones i wanted to) book
4. eat healthy
5. get a job
6. memorize 3 specific monolgues
7. take ballroom dancing
8. be done w/ college apps. by jan 15
9. do well in AP Calculus bc
10. get into the musical
11. no senioritsis

completed 5/11

Published in:  on January 1, 2009 at 4:41 pm Comments (1)

I’ve Got This Dream…

I’m a Drama Major at UC Irvine. It would be nice to act on stage or on screen, but I wouldn’t be terribly disappointed if I didn’t make it that far in that career path. Even if I was to become this famous actress, I would want to put my money in good use, rather than buying materialistic items that would give me temporary happiness. I don’t want to be like any other celebrity and just donate a huge sum of money to a charity. That’s too easy, and who knows if that money is really going to a good cause? I want to do something more with my money, and this is what I have concluded to.

At one of the Hat Cai meetings, as I was listening to one of my friend share about her past experience and the grief she felt when this idea dawned upon me. I wanted to comfort her, to let her know everything will be all right. She’s a very strong person. I then thought there are probably more peers, students, and children who probably feels what she feels now. I wanted to perhaps provide a safe haven for all those children, and to let them know that things will turn out all right.

I’m a practicing Catholic. I believe I have the St. Ignatius and Salesian spirit within me to give me faith about this idea and to keep pushing for this. St. Ignatius believed in being thankful and aware of what God has given to us and to be just in the moment. The Salesian spirit goes along with empowering the youth and leadership.

In the 1840’s back in Italy, St. Don Bosco built this oratory for orphanage boys. It went from 20 boys to almost 400 boys! An oratory is a church, playground, and a school combined in one. There have been attempts to reopening oratories in 3rd world countries by other who were also moved by St. Don Bosco’s actions. However, I feel there should be one in America.

I want to open an oratory perhaps in California, and to be even more specific, in the Bay Area (where it has a great amount of diversity and acceptance for the individual). However, the oratory that I have in mind will be slightly different than the one that St. Don Bosco had.

School: Education is education, but I want the best form of education to be provided for these students. In a sense, the oratory will be classified as private school, but personally I don’t like categorizing it as a “private school” it makes it sound like it has a bad reputation already. The orphans that the oratory will be housing can range from pre-school all the way up to high school. The goal of their education is to get them into college, hopefully an IVY League something. (hey, I gotta dream big! :])

Church: Although I may be Catholic, I don’t expect the children to follow my religion. I believe with any religion their goal is to guide the individual to be a better person. I believe the children should find or discover a core set of values that they want to grow up with and a religion could really help. I think having a religion may help give an optimistic view in life, especially or made through the troubled times.

Playground/Theatre: I love the arts. The theatre is a great place to educate others (Brechett’s Theory) and compel emotions and feelings to the audience (Artuad’s Theory). Aristotle once said that it is in our human instinct that we imitate others and we tell stories of others because it engages us and that is how we are connected. The orphans will be opened up to artistic opportunities that may not be given to them just because they may not have the right guidance or doors opened up for them.

Another key component to all this, I believe Actors and Actresses make good teachers. Actors and Actresses are able to tell in the audience if they are a hard or easy crowd during their performance, that energy flow that keeps them performing on stage. With that in mind, Actors and Actresses are able to sense when the students (during school) will be bored and they will have to improvise and engage the students with the material again. In addition, when they are not teaching or acting they are able to switch over from the Theatre side of the Oratory to the Education or School side.

In addition, because orphans may be lost in life (I may be wrong, I still need to do more research in this area) it would be nice for them to have role models and some sort of guidance. Actors and Actresses are not the only ones who will teach, but other well qualified teachers. I want the adults around them to be a positive influence. Therefore, the adults would have to be happy with themselves and be able to take on such a big role. In the oratory, I will provide care and support for the faulty because they are part of my team. I cannot do this alone. Through this section, I hope there will be a sense of community and perhaps a family that the orphans can call to this.

Basically, I want to give what I have experienced such a grateful, positive, and happy life to others who may not see it that way. I want them to experience a hate-free zone and an accepting one from maybe such a tragedy or abandonment they have felt in the past.

And so, I worry. I worry I won’t have that support that I need to form the oratory that I feel the world may need. This isn’t as big as the Civil Right’s Movement, but may a little under this idea. I hate to feel like my parents don’t believe I can do this or that I’m unable to have this type of dream because I’m not that person who can make this type of dream come true. Only the rich, only the big can do this and not just some petite Asian girl, let alone their daughter. It’s for other people to do and not for me. Let other people do it because you shouldn’t get your hands dirty in it. Other people will take care of it. If we rely on others to make the change we want to see, then what are we doing? If everyone relied on each other to make that 911 call for a murder, no one will make that call to save that life.

I also feel like I can’t bring this idea up to everyone to share this great news. There are people who I can share this idea with and I can feel their positive vibe and enthusiasm as they can relate to this idea.  And there are those who I feel I can’t share this idea with because they’ll give me “that look”.  Which is intimidating, and it makes me feel uncomfortable.  But I guess that’s part of the journey.  The funny thing is that the people who I can’t share this idea with are sometimes the people who are the closest to me by blood and I guess relationship wise.

Another point to add to this idea, I feel like I get really protective and defensive about my idea because I can’t imagine or I will refuse to believe the idea that someone might want to steal this idea of mine.  I think I treat this idea like my baby and my personal artwork.  If imitated I guess I will be mad, or not guess, I WILL be mad and I’d probably throw a fit. *sigh  Just more insecurities I guess.  But I guess it’s good to know about this now instead of finding this out the hard way later in life.

Time to watch more of the Beijing Olympics! :]

Go CHINA!  Go USA!
(identity confusion haha)

Published in:  on August 10, 2008 at 2:49 pm Comments (3)