Going Big

Listening to this radio station for one of my homework assignments for my education class.  The first story is about “Going Big” to help the community.  The second story is about an individual who hires a musician to come and sing at his living room to save his rocky relationship with his girlfriend.  The third story is about a daughter who goes all out to get to know her mother who is in jail and attempts to go to jail to be with her mother.

http://audio.thisamericanlife.org/player/CPRadio_player.php?podcast=http://www.thisamericanlife.org/xmlfeeds/364.xml&proxyloc=http://audio.thisamericanlife.org/player/customproxy.php

An Oldie Becomes a Challenging Goodie

Today was the first day I went back to Project MotiVATe to volunteer.  I have been absent to the community for almost a year.  Needless to say the mentees that needed help have graduated from high school and the mentors who have dedicated so much time to their mentees have moved on and passed the torch to new mentors.

Despite all the changes, the program is still the same.  Wednesday nights 6:00PM-6:30PM check-in.  6:30PM-9PM study hall where mentors and volunteers help our mentees through their school work and prepare them to graduate from high school and to go to college.  For the past 2 on-and-off years of volunteering at P.M, I have never encountered much struggle to motivate the mentees.  It was probably because most of them have been in the program and knows that they have a support system.  Therefore, it was easier for me to encourage them to keep on task during the three hours.

Today I met one of the new mentees.  Like the rest of the mentees, she’s not doing too well in school and there is a lot going on in her life.  I did what I always do to encourage and “inspire” them to do their work.  However, she had a list of reasons not to do her homework today, and I had my list of reasons why she should do her homework.  I told her that she’s very fortunate to be here and that if she ever needed help or anything there are so many resources at Project MotiVATe that she can find the help.  For all the positive reasons I told her to accomplish it, she had all the negative reasons ready and determined to be still unmotivated to complete the assignment.

It broke my heart to see it in her attitude, her eyes, her actions, and her body language.  I straight up gave her a lecture to help her try to understand what and why people come to help out at Project MotiVATe.  Then it became a bigger deal, she shared a piece of her world to me and it unlocked one tiny piece for me to be part of.  I then saw the brokenness she had inside of her, the despite of her mom, the irresponsible dad, etc. She told me that it wasn’t what I thought and there is so much more that I won’t ever know.  She then asked for my number and I told her that I have unlimited text and that she could tell me about it anytime.

On the way back home from Project MotiVATe, I texted her and I made a promise to be there for her to my best ability.  I told her I may be able not to understand or help you get out of the situation, but I will be here to listen and to help you get through it.  I don’t have to be your friend, but know that if you need to vent about something, I am one text or phone call away and I do respond back.

For a long time now I have been searching for God’s grace and presence for over a year.  I used to be able to think that I could conquer the world and save multiple lives at a time. Now it feels like a blur and I am at lost.

I would trade part of my happiness for her brokenness so that she can be a little bit more happy, even if it’s just for a minute.  It’s funny how unconditional love just appears like that and that’s perhaps one of my strongest characteristics.

2009 This is a start of something new

So I’ve had writer’s block in coming up resolutions for myself, so that I can improve myself. I mean that’s what resolutions are for. Sadly 2008 was a BIG failure in keeping up with my resolutions. So here we go, another year and more resolutions that I hope I can keep up for the WHOLE year. Trying is better than not doing any of it at all! This gives me a goal and to help me keep in track of who I am now, who I want to be, and who I will be. I think you can tell how much I’ve grown with the resolutions I come up with for myself, and if I actually kept them or not.

2009 Resolutions
1. 3 cups of coffee per week
2. on days I choose to drink coffee, one cup per day
3. pilates MWF, swimming 20 laps (either saturday or sunday)
4. actually try to practice swimming butterfly & breaststroke… look on youtube to improve technique or ask other swimmers
5. keep a financial account on computer
6. cook more at my apartment (eat out less :[ sorry HC...)
7. set study hours everyday (because I need it to keep focus)...[study>sleep... when i need it]
8. get a job
9. improve as an actress
10. work on oratory idea and get it more formulated!
11. get snail mail going with my friends again :) [you know who you are & you guys better write back!!]
12. get better gpa than previous quarter gpa (aiming for 3.5 and up!)
13. turn to spirituality & piano as stress relievers instead of stress eating :(
14. read more (for fun… not for class… book suggestions anyone? :])

i think 14 is enough… and although i may not keep up with ALL of them for the whole year, i’m willing to give it a shot :D goal for completion 1/3! :) 2009 HERE WE GO.

2008 Resolutions
1. 3 cups of coffee per week
2. on the days i choose to drink coffee, one cup per day
3. exercise 3 times a week
4. get a better gpa than previous quarter gpa [ALMOST]
5. stay happy “personal touch”
6. read the Bible once a week
7. no snacks
8. eat healthy (dessert twice a week)
9. don’t cut class [ALMOST, until edu 106 came along...]
10. journal once a month
11. improve singing voice so that i will be able to sing a small solo for the Nicene Creed during interfaith mass
12. learn one song on the guitar
13. say good morning to someone everyday

completed 0/13

2007 Resolutions
1. exercise 30-45 mins everyday
2. write in journal everyday
3. read 6 (specific ones i wanted to) book
4. eat healthy
5. get a job
6. memorize 3 specific monolgues
7. take ballroom dancing
8. be done w/ college apps. by jan 15
9. do well in AP Calculus bc
10. get into the musical
11. no senioritsis

completed 5/11

It Makes You Think

After the brief “surprise” homecoming at the airport, my family and I went to eat lunch at this local Vietnamese restaurant (not pho).  In the midst of our meal, a few teenagers came into the restaurant and started to set up their equipment and warming up their voices.  One girl went around the restaurant and passed out the little donation envelope to each table, and then they began to sing Christmas Carols.

The first thing that went through my mind was nothing.  I didn’t even blink twice to think about the donation.  When the same girl came back again to collect the envelope, my dad handed her ours and smiled.

Not only did that surprised me, it made me think.  It made me think because not only is my family going through a rough patch of financial crisis, but all the negative reasons are correct to back up the idea of NOT to donate money and to save money for ourselves.

It was a random act of kindness.  They say children learn from their parents by observing their actions.

It made me think that despite all the horrible and negative reasons of what we should and should not do, we shoud not forget the act of kindess.  Although it may be a dent in our pocket now, it will benefit someone else and that’s greater than keeping count of one’s money.

As Much As This Sucks, I Still Care

A little over a year ago, I broke down in front of my AP English class and my reputation was “ruined”. I messed up on the assignment and I lost the trust of my fellow peers and my AP English teacher. We were expected to give a public speech of “Where are you now, and where are you going” as one of our last assignment as Seniors. However, my emotions got the best of me and instead, I reflected on all the negative things that had happened to me in the past four years that led me to be angry, confused, stressed, etc. I cussed, I yelled, I cried when I gave that speech. My spirit was broken and I let it out in the wrong place and wrong time.

Although my teacher didn’t grade that speech as part of the assignment, he told me to give an apology speech to the class after I realized what I have done. And so I did, with my heart in the right place and my mind cleared up. I also wrote him an apology letter saying how sorry I was that I had did that to his class and to his trust in me.

By the end of the school year, and maybe 6 months afterwards, I still wonder. I wonder if he ever forgave me. And so, I e-mailed him after R.E Congress in LA to see if we can have some closure and to state briefly how I am at Irvine, etc. However, he never replied back. (Note: And I do know that he received my e-mail) I let it slide because things like these shouldn’t eat me up to 75% of my energy. It’s still in the back of my mind and if he chooses to not forgive me, it’s fine. I probably deserve it. However, I just can’t help to think that he is a Christian and with any religion we all strive to be the better person and to forgive, etc. Maybe he just needs more time. And I probably do know that he holds a grudge on me, but all I can do is wait, be patient and hope that he can come around.

The story isn’t over yet. I never imagined how this situation can trickle down and affect another close relationship I have with my Drama teacher in High School. So rumors go, my Drama teacher is dating my AP English teacher. In the past, my teacher and I have kept in touch now and then through e-mail and she has always eagerly e-mailed me back and asking how’s life, etc. After I sent that e-mail to my English teacher asking for closure and he didn’t respond back to me, so did my Drama teacher as well. I e-mailed her about something, but her response wasn’t there. It makes me think that he told her about my outburst in his class and I don’t know how she feels about it. It’s understandable that she may be mad at me because of what I did, so hurtful to someone so dear and close to her.

I can only hope that she would listen to my side of the story before she makes her final judgment on me. She is someone I look up to and someone who I can relate to. I respect her a lot and I hope she has not lost her respect in me.