Gay Priests

Before I begin, I am for gay marriages.  Although some may believe that being gay is an option and that one can change back to being straight, I believe it is part of their genetics and that they do not really have a choice to change to other people’s likings.  My argument or justification on this matter in par by the church is that God created everyone and everything and that He created individuals to also be attracted to each other of the same sex.

My friend and I talked about some controversial topics relating to the ideals and principle to the Catholic church.  She recently found out that her brother is gay and that he has a boyfriend.  Later on, he tells her that he is also discerning for a religious life.  It was a very interesting statement, yet such an ironic move on the part.  We discussed that the church does not hate gay people, they just condone their actions.  Towards the end of the conversation, she told me that her brother hinted or guessed that perhaps that some priest are in fact gay because if they cannot marry whom they love without the church’s approval, yet are still devoted Catholics, by becoming a priest, they would devote their life to God.

Makes sense.  I just never thought about it that way.

Any who, correct me if I am wrong about church related terms and principles and what not.  This post is in no means to offend anyone.  These are just my thoughts.

Discernment. Coordinators. Hat Cai

Stupid I know to be posting my feelings on here when everyone else can read this.  However, I just need to get it off my chest before I continue to work on my research paper.  If not, I know I will not do well on it.  So I did not get nominated to go into discernment night, which is one step closer to becoming a coordinator for Hat Cai.  To be honest, my heart dropped when Van erased my name off the white board.  Initial reactions?  Greedy for thinking and concerning with my feelings of sadness, indifferent, curious, and confused.  Then a relief in sigh because I told myself  if I was not nominated, I would focus more on my acting for next year too.

Now that I have that option, I don’t know if I feel better about it.  I mean it’s something that I love to do, but is my love for acting greater than my love for Hat Cai?  Not sure, probably not, totally lost.  All I know is that through acting and drama classes I learn more about myself, in how I speak, in how I act, the emotions I get, and I try to bring whatever I have learned into my meetings so that I can share it with others.  I don’t want to say that my care and effort I have put into the group is lost.  It’s probably not.  It’ll still be always there.  But hey, what can I say… I’m still human.  Religion does give you that great doubt in everything if anything.

I’m happy for Chris, Mary, and Kevin who are nominated.  They are great people and I’m sure whoever God calls upon, will do a good job in leading Hat Cai .  All I can hope for now is understanding, which is the best I can hope for.  I would want to know why, not in hopes for next year to be nominated, okay truthfully, just a little, but in general to understand myself better and what I can do to improve.  All I can do is learn from others and from myself.

Being upset about this is better than not being upset.  It just means I care, and that’s good enough of a reason for me to believe in the emotions that I am going through right now.

God is calling me to a different path.  It’s my turn now to listen.

Trust in the slow works of the Lord.

Identity-Cultural Confusion

Sometimes being in Hạt Cải, a Catholic Vietnamese Prayer and Support Group, confuses my cultural identy of being Chinese.  I mean I don’t mind being in the group and learning about a different culture, it’s just… is it going a tad bit too far for me?  I also mean I wouldn’t ever say ‘I wish I was Vietnamese over Chinese’.  No way, not a chance.  I love my culture and I know it is part of me, and never would I deny it or any part of myself.  Yet, being in this group draws me into their culture and that also it’s quite similar to the Chinese culture that I tend to forget what’s what.

I’ve emerged so much or learned so much about their culture that if you read above, i just typed out Hat Cai in Veitnamese on my Macbook, in which I haven’t really learned that well how to type Chinese on my own.  Or that I crave for phỏ in the middle of the night.  Or that I have corrected one of my Vietnamese friends back home on their own legend of how Vietnam came to be!  That’s pretty bad…

Perhaps it’s the friends and people I have met and come to known through the group that keys me into their culture as well.  I think maybe by understanding their culture, I learn more about them and the different point of view of how they see things that may be different from mine.  I know sometimes I get annoyed when the group goes to eat Chinese food or whatever, they try to convert it back to what is comfortable to them so making it “Vietnamese-like”, just so it’s easier I guess.  In a way, I feel disrespected in that sense because although I may be one of the few Chinese people that have been part of the group, I have been patient with their culture and learning it and respecting it.  I just hope/wish they will also understand and respect my culture at the appropriate time and place.

I have learned more than enough about myself in the group, but I have recently learned two more things about myself: (1) People are able to open up to me more with their problems and feelings [so I guess I'm assuming I'm a good listener..?] (2) The leadership skills that I have acquired in the past still are rooted in the way I perceive things for events, etc.

More about point one.  I’ve never realized that people are able to open up and share to me more or about random stuff, let alone more personal issues.  I guess it’s a good thing because I get to understand the person more and gain another perspective.  Sidenote: So I’m the type of person who is open to new perspective and ideas because I believe not just one person can form this great event or project, but you need many perspective to catch different angles you might have missed when planning the event or project.  I believe in celebrating life and embracing the importance of it.  Everyone is worthy and deserving of a good and loving life. I’m fine with knowing him or her better, but are they okay with letting me know all this information?  People put up barriers because they are afriad of the idea that if they let someone close know about their deepest secret, it’s a threat.  I’m not quite sure if I put up barriers, but I do tend to believe that I don’t because I feel like I have nothing to hide.  Like I’m the open book.  (Okay Okay, the only thing I can think of for barriers is when it comes to a really good idea that may make a difference in the world or artwork and that someone else will take the credit of MY idea and MY work)

Moving on to point number two.  Steven Nguyen would be laughing at this.  And I’d tell him “I told you so!”  So at the first meeting we had to plan out 7th week Hat Cai meeting, he wanted to get to know me better.  One of the things I told him about me was about my leadership skills.  It’s actually kind-of crazy if you know how I’m able to think in this and that way and to spot out any other conflict and such for an event.  I dont’ know how I’ve acquired it all, but I just sort-a have most of it down already.  I can tell you for a fact, if I go to one event like a rally, retreat, party, etc.  I can pretty much help or figure out how to plan it already.  Like i’m able to see and then organize everything to the single detail and what not!  Well, almost.  I am sure I have some flaws that needs to be corrected or something.  Like I’ve done Homecoming, 3-day retreats, outside Movie Screening at my High School, etc.  I don’t know.  I think in college, I’ve optied out in joinging ASUCI because I didn’t want to feel the stress of all the events anymore.  I know that if I did this as a career, the stress will get me one day and I will die young.  I think I enjoy the thrill and the excitement from the particpants or audience and that’s what keeps me going, but it’s also harmful to me.  And I do know that once people around me may realize this, they would want me to help them next time, but perhaps in a bigger role.

Who knows?  I’m not quite sure if I’m done yet…

It’s 2:30AM.  Sorry for the ramblings and what nots.  I just had to get this off my chest and perhaps if some random lucky reader reads this and gets a good insight and lets me know about it, then I guess it’ll be worth it.

Other than that, good night.  Lots of stuff to be done for tomorrow!

Snippets

God brings certain people into our lives for a purpose and until that purpose is fulfilled they’re a part of us…we don’t always choose people who walk into our lives but we choose those who stay in our lives.

I was browsing around at different blogs on wordpress and I ran into this one blog and I read one of the blogger’s entry about her guardian angel.  She then talks about the quote above, which stood out to me.  It’s such a simple statement and it’s true and I guess we all don’t think about it because it’s in the back of our minds.

It actually reminds me of a couple of my friends who I don’t get to talk to that much or who are very different than me in their values and aspects of life, but I still let them be in my life because I choose to have them in my life.  Actually, I hung out with one of them today, who I guess I would “categorize” them in here.

College drop out, smokes like no other, yet I still respect him.  I enjoy his company.  Although we don’t see each other much, more or less talk very often, I trust his point of view on issues I bring up.  In a weird way, he empowers me to “fuck that” and do what’s best for me because sometimes I do care too much or I don’t see too clearly about certain issues.  He’s always stressing out or telling me to find my own happiness, which is a good reminder to myself.

I guess I like what she said because it reminds me that God is always thinking about us and he does truly care for us.  That also reminds me of Sunday’s homily given by Father Kong from Hong Kong, who was visiting at my home parish.  He used the analogy that God is like a GPS.  As much as we try to take another route and not follow the GPS, it will recalculate to loop us back to the same path so we can still reach the destination.  He also commented that God is the best GPS because he still cares for us and makes sure we get to where he wants us to go.

Sometimes I feel I choose this one friend to stay in my life, but he or she may not feel the same way and then it just doesn’t work out and I end up “suffering”.

Phonecalls and What-nots

Last night my old family-church friend called me and we just talked.  The starting purpose of why he called me was the enthusiasm he felt when he got an e-mail back from one of the members of the U.S Judo Team in the Olympics.  He said he felt like I could relate to the excitement in which he felt about a role model you see on T.V that would actually come and talk to you or take the time and effort to e-mail you back.

The phone call turned out to be more.  He later shared to me about his worries and how he seemed to be aiming aimlessly at life.  Although words can try to comfort and motivate him, it seemed to be out of my hand.  Instead, I referred him to the Examen of Consciousness, in which I haven’t done in a while.  We did the Examen together over the phone and it seemed like I could already hear the difference in his voice with the amount of worried decreased and self-peace was there for him.  Faith and trust proved to be a big factor that helped BOTH of us out.

I haven’t done the Examen of Consciousness in 2 months.  Let alone how I said I would over the summer to keep up with my spirituality and my relationship with God.  I haven’t really looked over the Hat Cai (Mustard Seeds) reading passages and reading questions which are marked in my g-mail box waiting for me to take the time and reflect upon my life and what I perhaps could have shared at the meeting if I was there.

It was good that he called because he made me reopen my Examen of Consciousness I created for my last meeting with Paul so that I can help him, and it turned out to help me too.  It made me realize how little I look for God or be aware of him at home.  I don’t feel the same peace I feel when I am in Socal (mostly because of being around Hat Cai).  It really did make me stop and think, which I’m glad of.

And today was just even more amazing as I was slowly opening my eyes up again for God.  After my interview or meeting with my Pastor at my Parish about the Salesian faith and Don Bosco, I was walking across Washington Square Park to go get my sister from the Salon, in which she was cutting her hair.  As I walked across, I saw this stage being setup at the park, which seemed normal because there are usually art shows and other events at the park.  When I read the banners, it was an Acting Troupe!  How cool was that!  I have been meaning to research about Acting Troupes to see if I could possibility join for a while or intern, and there it was!

I summed up the courage and walked over and asked for a flyer or brochure since I was pretty much certain I would not be able to see them perform.  And there it was right before my eyes, God’s work.

What a good day :]