Listening to this radio station for one of my homework assignments for my education class.  The first story is about “Going Big” to help the community.  The second story is about an individual who hires a musician to come and sing at his living room to save his rocky relationship with his girlfriend.  The third story is about a daughter who goes all out to get to know her mother who is in jail and attempts to go to jail to be with her mother.

http://audio.thisamericanlife.org/player/CPRadio_player.php?podcast=http://www.thisamericanlife.org/xmlfeeds/364.xml&proxyloc=http://audio.thisamericanlife.org/player/customproxy.php

Today was the first day I went back to Project MotiVATe to volunteer.  I have been absent to the community for almost a year.  Needless to say the mentees that needed help have graduated from high school and the mentors who have dedicated so much time to their mentees have moved on and passed the torch to new mentors.

Despite all the changes, the program is still the same.  Wednesday nights 6:00PM-6:30PM check-in.  6:30PM-9PM study hall where mentors and volunteers help our mentees through their school work and prepare them to graduate from high school and to go to college.  For the past 2 on-and-off years of volunteering at P.M, I have never encountered much struggle to motivate the mentees.  It was probably because most of them have been in the program and knows that they have a support system.  Therefore, it was easier for me to encourage them to keep on task during the three hours.

Today I met one of the new mentees.  Like the rest of the mentees, she’s not doing too well in school and there is a lot going on in her life.  I did what I always do to encourage and “inspire” them to do their work.  However, she had a list of reasons not to do her homework today, and I had my list of reasons why she should do her homework.  I told her that she’s very fortunate to be here and that if she ever needed help or anything there are so many resources at Project MotiVATe that she can find the help.  For all the positive reasons I told her to accomplish it, she had all the negative reasons ready and determined to be still unmotivated to complete the assignment.

It broke my heart to see it in her attitude, her eyes, her actions, and her body language.  I straight up gave her a lecture to help her try to understand what and why people come to help out at Project MotiVATe.  Then it became a bigger deal, she shared a piece of her world to me and it unlocked one tiny piece for me to be part of.  I then saw the brokenness she had inside of her, the despite of her mom, the irresponsible dad, etc. She told me that it wasn’t what I thought and there is so much more that I won’t ever know.  She then asked for my number and I told her that I have unlimited text and that she could tell me about it anytime.

On the way back home from Project MotiVATe, I texted her and I made a promise to be there for her to my best ability.  I told her I may be able not to understand or help you get out of the situation, but I will be here to listen and to help you get through it.  I don’t have to be your friend, but know that if you need to vent about something, I am one text or phone call away and I do respond back.

For a long time now I have been searching for God’s grace and presence for over a year.  I used to be able to think that I could conquer the world and save multiple lives at a time. Now it feels like a blur and I am at lost.

I would trade part of my happiness for her brokenness so that she can be a little bit more happy, even if it’s just for a minute.  It’s funny how unconditional love just appears like that and that’s perhaps one of my strongest characteristics.

This is my family Christmas picture from last year.  My dad is a photographer and each year he has new concepts for our Christmas pictures.  He likes to choose ideas that reflect the most impacted current event of the year.  Last year my dad chose the economic downfall as the theme.  This picture symbolizes that although the world may be at an ugly state, as long as the family has love and one another, everything will be all right.  My name is Jessica Li and I am the girl in the brown top all the way to the right of the photo.

I grew up with a lot of love and support that most children in the United States hardly ever find in their lives.  Realizing this, I am even more grateful of my parents.  My parents have always given my sisters and I the skills that we need in order to survive and enjoy life.  Unlike most Asian parents, my parents have never forced us to get straight “A’s” nor wanted us to be doctors or lawyers.  At times I do see it in their eyes, their yearning for their children to choose a more “successful” career, but I am glad that they stuck to their parenting style and away from the norm to nourish their family with love and support.  Growing up, they have always told my sister and I as long as we try our best in school and learn something, that is enough.  I hope that one day I will be able to show and spread the love that my parents have given to me to others by opening an oratory.  An oratory is a school, a playground, a church, a theatre, and a home for orphans.

I hope to instill my values and other people’s values in my oratory.  I learn that in life, all you need is love.  As cheesy as it sounds, love is what makes the world turn.  Know who you are as a person as well as your weaknesses, so that you know where to improve on.  Ask for help because most of the time, without the help of our family and friends, it stops us from taking the first step to accomplish our dreams.  Dreams can be very abstract and they may seem impossible to reach, but you can accomplish your dreams.  I have one hundred and one dreams listed out on my wall to remind me everyday and so far, I have accomplished seven of those.  They can be small and/or big dreams and you can achieve them.  Know that you deserve the best no matter who you are.  However, sometimes, opportunities are given to you and sometimes you have to work for it.  Most importantly, being kind is always better than being right.  In order to be happy, you must know what it feels like to be sad.  Without experiencing both emotions, you will never be able to live life to the fullest.

“What values would you like to pass on to the next generation?”

For my Drama 120A class, Development of Theatre, our first homework assignment, besides reading was to submit a picture of ourselves and answer the question above.  After brainstorming all day, I realize I have a lot of values and that they all cannot fit into two paragraphs.

However, I am curious to know what are yours?  Please respond to this, I’m curious! :)

I will post my response later when I complete the assignment.

I miss my Drama 130A class.  It was definitely one of the most scariest classes I have ever took to push and challenge myself as a performer/actor.  I am glad that I took it with Adrian because he still scares the bejezzes out of me because he looks intimidating and he’s honest about what he sees and such.  I was really struggling through out the 5 weeks to be the best that I can be because it is intermediate acting, it’s no longer I can wing my way through this.  I have to be prepared and I have to know my goals, objectives and beats.  I have to know what my character wants, how am I going to affect my scene partner, what are the thoughts running though my mind, and how do I know if I do get what I want from my scene partner.

I’m happy to say that during my last scene work, he was able to give me good criticism as well as the news that has probably given me new confidence in my acting.  All along I have been waiting for someone credible to tell me that “Jessica you are good at acting” in order to pursuit this passion.  I have never been able to keep up with others in my class who may have performed in more shows than I have.  All I had were my high school class and a desire and curiosity to be good at this craft.

It really meant a lot to me when he said, “You have good instincts, just slow down your moments.”  Because one, he would not just say it to everyone in the class and two, he is honest and would never jerk you around like that.  He has renewed my faith in my acting and this is what I strive for.

Last year I hesitated to sign up for Mega Auditions for UCI, this year I screamed when I recieved the e-mail to notify students to sign up.  I signed up in a heartbeat.  I want to perform on stage with my fellow peers this year.  I want to make it happen.  I am going to make it happen this year.  Small or big part, I just want to be up there.

My life on paper is great, besides the few mishaps and what not.  I shouldn’t be complaining and I should always have that ridiculous smile on my face because I am fortunate and I should embrace it.  If I do not, I am a bitch because it would be stupid of me not to smile.

Hormones suck.

Before I begin, I am for gay marriages.  Although some may believe that being gay is an option and that one can change back to being straight, I believe it is part of their genetics and that they do not really have a choice to change to other people’s likings.  My argument or justification on this matter in par by the church is that God created everyone and everything and that He created individuals to also be attracted to each other of the same sex.

My friend and I talked about some controversial topics relating to the ideals and principle to the Catholic church.  She recently found out that her brother is gay and that he has a boyfriend.  Later on, he tells her that he is also discerning for a religious life.  It was a very interesting statement, yet such an ironic move on the part.  We discussed that the church does not hate gay people, they just condone their actions.  Towards the end of the conversation, she told me that her brother hinted or guessed that perhaps that some priest are in fact gay because if they cannot marry whom they love without the church’s approval, yet are still devoted Catholics, by becoming a priest, they would devote their life to God.

Makes sense.  I just never thought about it that way.

Any who, correct me if I am wrong about church related terms and principles and what not.  This post is in no means to offend anyone.  These are just my thoughts.

Fighting the temptations of the evil spirits

I think it’s about time for me to invest in a recorder or a quick notepad or whatever, whenever I get the inspiration to write something funny of how I view things.  Monologues are just characters talking about their perspective on a particular subject and their “blindedness” to what the audience deem “silly” or “not right” to society.  It’s one thing to write your own monologues, and it’s another in the way you deliver that monologue.  I think it’s also about the little stuff that is exposed, but no one really has the guts to say it because, well you might sound funny.  Regardless of what society things, I have a mind and a voice and I shouldn’t be afraid to share it either as laughter, saddness, etc.